I've been running. Just in case you were beginning to wonder, I have been hitting the pavement. Melissa and I have been going weekday mornings at 6, and it's been great. Well, as great as it can get when you are a complainer like I. Yep, that's right. I complain. Too much, actually. This morning, as I was feeling completely lame due to my performance on the track this morning, I realized why it is that I complain. I complain because it is what I have always done. If you recall from my very first post, I am a hardcore quitter. A quitting addict. A quitter extraordinaire. Even now, I am grabbing at straws to complete all of the work for my online class that ends in TWO DAYS. And trust me, there is more than two days worth of work due... and all the while I am still tempted to throw in the towel and just quit the class... What's the matter with me?! It's like I have this quitters poison pumping through my veins, and inevitably I will reach the point of no return... and no completion. Sigh. Sometimes I suck. Ok, so all of that leads me to my thought this morning. I have been running for quite a few months now, and I haven't quit yet... now don't get too excited, there is a "but" coming... BUT I HAVE succeeded in backing out of two of the three races I've planned. So, as I train for yet another race, and my biggest yet, I am really being challenged by my old ways. It's almost as if I have a little voice quietly telling me with every stride that it's not going to amount to anything because I'm never going to get there. Stupid voice! You suck! Guys, I desperately don't want to be a quitter. Thankfully, my running companion has no qualms about yelling at me to keep it going and get my butt up by her. Going forward, into tomorrow, my goal is to push. Push and know that it is worth it. Push against my old ways and into new, liberating habits. Habits of a marathon runner. Apparently only 1% of American's run marathons... at least thats what I've been told. And I WILL be part of that 1%. Pray for me, if you read this. Pray that I won't be a baby. Because I have proved to myself in other areas of life that I am strong. Strong of heart. Now I just want to be strong of mind.
I've begun journaling again. Putting my cries down on paper. It helps, by some strange magical way, allow me to feel progress. To feel like I am going somewhere down this road of change and improvement. Actually, not improvement, because that makes it seem as though there is something wrong with me currently. Betterment, how about that? We can all become better than what we are now.
December 12th,
"Lord, I am currently standing at a crossroads, and I desperately choose You. Take my selfishness, pride, impulse and addiction. I do not need them. I need You." "I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be encouraged and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:13)
My selfishness: choosing my desires over what is good. Over what is pleasing not only to Him but to this body He has entrusted to me.
My pride: thinking that I've got it. I know how to do this thing called "life". I know how to be "healthy" while diving into a bucket of sugar cookies time and time and time and TIME again. Pride.
My impulse: underneath my seemingly "good" personality lies an extremely impulsive woman. A cookie here, $40 there... impulsiveness makes me feel alive-for a matter of seconds. Impulsiveness makes me feel guilt- for hours and sometimes days.
My addiction: to selfishness, pride and impulse. To quitting. To doing what I want, regardless of whom it hurts- myself included.
This is it, dear friends. You may not have signed on for this much reality, but I just hit you with it. And now I will hit you with this:
"I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living."
Push yourself with me, let's see how far we can go.
Peace, love and believing you're worth it
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Day Seven: Feet Like Feathers
I went shopping today. If we could go back in time, about three to ten years, I would say, "OMG I looove to shop", but because I am in the latter half of my twenties, and have become "a woman" I have lost almost all of the joy I once found in clothes shopping. It has been replaced with home decor shopping. I could (and would) buy things for my home every day.. but my husband would fly home from across the world and personally scold me and cut up my debit card. So I don't do this, but I do window shop and dream. What I feel like most young women don't think about is how very much their body will begin to "suck" someday, unless they make the effort to show it some love. So, having said that, I think you can get an idea as to why I hate clothes shopping... because I'm a little behind on showing this bod some "love", and my "behind" has a few things to say about it. By the Lord's sweet, sweet grace, today's shopping experience wasn't a complete self-esteem slapper. Let me tell you, TJ Maxx and Marshall's are the places to go when in the market for some decent active wear. I got some sweet deals... like a super hot wind and rain resistant jacket that was originally $130 and I got it for $34.99... Yeah buddy! It's the perfect weight to run in on cold, rainy days like today. Needless to say, the success of this shopping trip paved the way for an awesome running sesh today.
I mapped out my route and got in 2.3 miles. I know it's not very much, but please remember that I am not a runner. I'm a walk/run/walk-er. I'm a "run for 45 seconds and realize that my calves hurt so really seriously think about stopping" type of "runner". So to run so far that a random passer-byer could actually mistake me for an athlete is such a huge success it's ridiculous. If there were little thought bubbles popping out of my head with each car that drove by they would read something like this, "Man, I wonder if I look like I know what I'm doing. I wonder if they think I look like I'm doing really awesome. I wonder if them seeing me is making them feel bad that they aren't out running in this crap weather. I wonder if none of those things are possible because of the snail pace at which I am running." Those are a lot of thoughts, you say? Yeah... my brain is pretty high-speed. Unlike my body.
Annnnywaaaays, I ran. It felt great. Actually, it sucked major until about 1.45 miles, then I began to kick some serious ass and was running faster, harder and a million times better. I mean, I was nearly to my vehicle and I decided to detour and keep going, simply because I didn't want to end such a rare experience! It was like a glimpse into what other real runners must feel. I liked it. Actually, I loved it! It's really too bad it took me so long to get to that point. It'd be awesome if it felt that way right out of the shoot.
So anyways, there you have it. AND, I remembered to bring water with me. AND I stretched... a lot. I was very much at the top of my game tonight. Be impressed.
I began reading a book that a dear friend of mine told me about quite some time ago. I am very encouraged about where this book will take me. I believe that one of the reasons why I am twenty six and still trying to get this figured out is because I don't like doing things when I'm told I should. I usually only like doing them when I want to. So, with that said, I don't believe that I will ever find success if I keep doing what others tell me I "need to do". I'm going to do what I "want to do". Through this book, I am being given the opportunity to shed light on why it is that I crave what I do. Why I resort to defeat 9 times out of 10. What I'm actually craving. I look forward to sharing with you, as I figure out the ever-so complicated thing that is my mind. All I can say is that it's a good thing I left my stash of candy at home. If you are interested in reading more about the book, you can go here.
Tomorrow I start painting. Tomorrow I begin my journey to completely ripped arms and shoulders. Tomorrow I begin painting number one of eight hundred-some door frames. Oh, tomorrow...
Peace, love and thought bubbles
I mapped out my route and got in 2.3 miles. I know it's not very much, but please remember that I am not a runner. I'm a walk/run/walk-er. I'm a "run for 45 seconds and realize that my calves hurt so really seriously think about stopping" type of "runner". So to run so far that a random passer-byer could actually mistake me for an athlete is such a huge success it's ridiculous. If there were little thought bubbles popping out of my head with each car that drove by they would read something like this, "Man, I wonder if I look like I know what I'm doing. I wonder if they think I look like I'm doing really awesome. I wonder if them seeing me is making them feel bad that they aren't out running in this crap weather. I wonder if none of those things are possible because of the snail pace at which I am running." Those are a lot of thoughts, you say? Yeah... my brain is pretty high-speed. Unlike my body.
Annnnywaaaays, I ran. It felt great. Actually, it sucked major until about 1.45 miles, then I began to kick some serious ass and was running faster, harder and a million times better. I mean, I was nearly to my vehicle and I decided to detour and keep going, simply because I didn't want to end such a rare experience! It was like a glimpse into what other real runners must feel. I liked it. Actually, I loved it! It's really too bad it took me so long to get to that point. It'd be awesome if it felt that way right out of the shoot.
So anyways, there you have it. AND, I remembered to bring water with me. AND I stretched... a lot. I was very much at the top of my game tonight. Be impressed.
I began reading a book that a dear friend of mine told me about quite some time ago. I am very encouraged about where this book will take me. I believe that one of the reasons why I am twenty six and still trying to get this figured out is because I don't like doing things when I'm told I should. I usually only like doing them when I want to. So, with that said, I don't believe that I will ever find success if I keep doing what others tell me I "need to do". I'm going to do what I "want to do". Through this book, I am being given the opportunity to shed light on why it is that I crave what I do. Why I resort to defeat 9 times out of 10. What I'm actually craving. I look forward to sharing with you, as I figure out the ever-so complicated thing that is my mind. All I can say is that it's a good thing I left my stash of candy at home. If you are interested in reading more about the book, you can go here.
Tomorrow I start painting. Tomorrow I begin my journey to completely ripped arms and shoulders. Tomorrow I begin painting number one of eight hundred-some door frames. Oh, tomorrow...
Peace, love and thought bubbles
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Shame Shame!
August 16th!! That's the last time I posted!? What am I, Crazy!? I'm pretty sure that would be true regardless of the last time I posted (and, coincidentally worked out... wow is that ever hard to admit. Sigh... I guess if I'm honest with myself, a lot of people haven't worked out in a lot longer than that, so I'm ok ;) ) Well I am here to tell you that my month of traveling, saying good bye to my best friend, crying over the farewell, spending time at the beach with a dear lady, and going to the ER, I am jumping back on the horse and this time I have an immediate goal in mind!!! APPLAUSE, please! I am running (Lord willing) the 10 mile Monster Dash in St. Paul, MN on October 29th (complete with a halloween costume, so suggestions are welcome! Preferably something that works for two or three people as I will more than likely have some running buddies with me)! I am quite excited and QUITE nervous, because, as you all now know, I haven't worked out in quite some time... and I wasn't even that impressive to begin with! Ha! But, with the Lord's help I know that I can give it my all... and that's really all I am aiming to do with my running... just give it all I've got.
So here is my plan, and hey, if you think it's good and could work for you, then join me these next seven weeks! It's going to be tough, but worth it! (PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!)
Physical:
This first week I am planning on just getting my legs back in gear. Running two miles, or at least working up to consistently having a good 2 mile run. After that, my wonderful girl Mel will be guiding me as far as interval training and distance running each week leading up to the race. I'm also going to try to do 30 minutes of strength training on the off days (every other), so that I can build my core to help my posture or "gate" as it is apparently called.
Diet:
In the past I have used an awesome app called MyFitnessPal, which also has a great, easy-to-use website that will help you track your calories and exercise. I've usually only used it for my calories, but you could do a lot more with it than that. I went ahead and input a "mock" days worth of eating, to see what out of my normal diet I could eat and still stay under 1500 calories. From there, I took those foods and wrote them out on index cards to tape to my pantry door. I usually eat pretty much the same things, so this will make it a lot easier for me than following someone else's diet (I'm picky... there, I said it!)
Emotional:
I have eliminated certain words from my vocabulary. Weird, you say? Yeah, well it's what works for me... and you'll figure out what works for you. But whatever it is, have someone close to you in on it, and they can catch you when you let that mean nasty word fly about your beautiful self. I bet if someone were to count how often I say my "word" it would definitely be in the double digits for sure.. and thats just in one conversation!
Spiritual:
I am saved by grace. Jesus has saved me. I have spent the last nine years hearing of amazing stories of freedom and redemption from old sinful ways of life... God has been so unbelievably good to me in my life, through health and family and relational challenges. But after nine years, I am still bogged down by the same strongholds and lies. So, with that said, I have prepared a memory verse for each of these next seven weeks to repeat and say aloud before each run, and after. To pray in the morning, and before I go to sleep. Because I have made countless attempts to make it over this gigantic wall in my life, and I have yet to have the strength to clear it. So I am resorting to the only "fool proof" way I know of... His way. I encourage you to invite Him into the active part of your life... after all, He is the only one who really REALLY knows what your body is capable of, right?
Anyways, thats my plan... and I have to confess something to you...
As I sat here and did my research and wrote out my plan, I ate 4 tootsie rolls and a small baby box of dots.
SHAME!!
So much shame!!!
Praise the Lord tomorrow is a NEW DAY!
(But the Dots and Tootsies are still in my pantry ahhh!)
Good luck to me, good luck to you and may the best effort win!
Peace, love and wildly achievable goals
So here is my plan, and hey, if you think it's good and could work for you, then join me these next seven weeks! It's going to be tough, but worth it! (PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!)
Physical:
This first week I am planning on just getting my legs back in gear. Running two miles, or at least working up to consistently having a good 2 mile run. After that, my wonderful girl Mel will be guiding me as far as interval training and distance running each week leading up to the race. I'm also going to try to do 30 minutes of strength training on the off days (every other), so that I can build my core to help my posture or "gate" as it is apparently called.
Diet:
In the past I have used an awesome app called MyFitnessPal, which also has a great, easy-to-use website that will help you track your calories and exercise. I've usually only used it for my calories, but you could do a lot more with it than that. I went ahead and input a "mock" days worth of eating, to see what out of my normal diet I could eat and still stay under 1500 calories. From there, I took those foods and wrote them out on index cards to tape to my pantry door. I usually eat pretty much the same things, so this will make it a lot easier for me than following someone else's diet (I'm picky... there, I said it!)
Emotional:
I have eliminated certain words from my vocabulary. Weird, you say? Yeah, well it's what works for me... and you'll figure out what works for you. But whatever it is, have someone close to you in on it, and they can catch you when you let that mean nasty word fly about your beautiful self. I bet if someone were to count how often I say my "word" it would definitely be in the double digits for sure.. and thats just in one conversation!
Spiritual:
I am saved by grace. Jesus has saved me. I have spent the last nine years hearing of amazing stories of freedom and redemption from old sinful ways of life... God has been so unbelievably good to me in my life, through health and family and relational challenges. But after nine years, I am still bogged down by the same strongholds and lies. So, with that said, I have prepared a memory verse for each of these next seven weeks to repeat and say aloud before each run, and after. To pray in the morning, and before I go to sleep. Because I have made countless attempts to make it over this gigantic wall in my life, and I have yet to have the strength to clear it. So I am resorting to the only "fool proof" way I know of... His way. I encourage you to invite Him into the active part of your life... after all, He is the only one who really REALLY knows what your body is capable of, right?
Anyways, thats my plan... and I have to confess something to you...
As I sat here and did my research and wrote out my plan, I ate 4 tootsie rolls and a small baby box of dots.
SHAME!!
So much shame!!!
Praise the Lord tomorrow is a NEW DAY!
(But the Dots and Tootsies are still in my pantry ahhh!)
Good luck to me, good luck to you and may the best effort win!
Peace, love and wildly achievable goals
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back To Life, Back To Reality
Well people, here I am... back home and ready to go. The only problem is that my husband is not quite as ready to go as I am... We got back into town yesterday, so naturally I was ready to get back into the swing of things with Tuesday night Spin Class at Abrams. I thought that me and the hub had communicated that Spin class was taking place today AND tomorrow. Well, I guess there was some confusion. "So what?" you might say... "Just go anyways". Well here's the thing... I'm trying to make up for seven months without him, so to leave him for only an hour is terribly hard. I had to go to the grocery store yesterday and that was definitely not as fun as it could have been had he been with me... simply because he could be. So yes, I am caving in... I'm not going to spin class, and I am probably going to end up eating instead. Dang. Any and all of you Army spouses know what I am talking about. It's quite difficult to let them out of your sight unless absolutely necessary (we're talking bathroom breaks here, people... thats it).
I will say, that during my three week vacation I managed to work out an amount of times that can only be counted on one hand. Shame on me. I started out well, though! The first day of my vacation to the lake my sister and I went for a run. It felt good to run up north, where you can actually breath because the temperature is at a normal number for human lungs. Because of all of our activities (of which are SO different than my day to day life) I found myself being the first to bed every night, and far too tired to go out and do more activities. Am I making excuses? Possibly. Am I not as much of an athlete as I thought? Yes, this is true. I will say that I am quite anxious to get back on the horse and keep up with my efforts to become a stud. I have also picked up some useful information regarding diet, of which I intend to put forth full effort in changing in our lives as a family. Let me just say, it is terribly hard to have a good understanding of the do's and don'ts of "eating healthy". Namely, all of the "diet" foods that are offered. Low fat breads, cheeses, crackers, meats, drinks... all of it is actually doing the opposite of what you want it to do. So I'm trying to lean more in the direction of "sugar free". You should give it a try, too!
Alright, well my honey's off trying to make dinner so I'm going to go help him. I'll be sure to give you a detailed description of my hellish spin experience tomorrow!
Peace, love & lazy feeling lovebirds
I will say, that during my three week vacation I managed to work out an amount of times that can only be counted on one hand. Shame on me. I started out well, though! The first day of my vacation to the lake my sister and I went for a run. It felt good to run up north, where you can actually breath because the temperature is at a normal number for human lungs. Because of all of our activities (of which are SO different than my day to day life) I found myself being the first to bed every night, and far too tired to go out and do more activities. Am I making excuses? Possibly. Am I not as much of an athlete as I thought? Yes, this is true. I will say that I am quite anxious to get back on the horse and keep up with my efforts to become a stud. I have also picked up some useful information regarding diet, of which I intend to put forth full effort in changing in our lives as a family. Let me just say, it is terribly hard to have a good understanding of the do's and don'ts of "eating healthy". Namely, all of the "diet" foods that are offered. Low fat breads, cheeses, crackers, meats, drinks... all of it is actually doing the opposite of what you want it to do. So I'm trying to lean more in the direction of "sugar free". You should give it a try, too!
Alright, well my honey's off trying to make dinner so I'm going to go help him. I'll be sure to give you a detailed description of my hellish spin experience tomorrow!
Peace, love & lazy feeling lovebirds
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