I've been running. Just in case you were beginning to wonder, I have been hitting the pavement. Melissa and I have been going weekday mornings at 6, and it's been great. Well, as great as it can get when you are a complainer like I. Yep, that's right. I complain. Too much, actually. This morning, as I was feeling completely lame due to my performance on the track this morning, I realized why it is that I complain. I complain because it is what I have always done. If you recall from my very first post, I am a hardcore quitter. A quitting addict. A quitter extraordinaire. Even now, I am grabbing at straws to complete all of the work for my online class that ends in TWO DAYS. And trust me, there is more than two days worth of work due... and all the while I am still tempted to throw in the towel and just quit the class... What's the matter with me?! It's like I have this quitters poison pumping through my veins, and inevitably I will reach the point of no return... and no completion. Sigh. Sometimes I suck. Ok, so all of that leads me to my thought this morning. I have been running for quite a few months now, and I haven't quit yet... now don't get too excited, there is a "but" coming... BUT I HAVE succeeded in backing out of two of the three races I've planned. So, as I train for yet another race, and my biggest yet, I am really being challenged by my old ways. It's almost as if I have a little voice quietly telling me with every stride that it's not going to amount to anything because I'm never going to get there. Stupid voice! You suck! Guys, I desperately don't want to be a quitter. Thankfully, my running companion has no qualms about yelling at me to keep it going and get my butt up by her. Going forward, into tomorrow, my goal is to push. Push and know that it is worth it. Push against my old ways and into new, liberating habits. Habits of a marathon runner. Apparently only 1% of American's run marathons... at least thats what I've been told. And I WILL be part of that 1%. Pray for me, if you read this. Pray that I won't be a baby. Because I have proved to myself in other areas of life that I am strong. Strong of heart. Now I just want to be strong of mind.
I've begun journaling again. Putting my cries down on paper. It helps, by some strange magical way, allow me to feel progress. To feel like I am going somewhere down this road of change and improvement. Actually, not improvement, because that makes it seem as though there is something wrong with me currently. Betterment, how about that? We can all become better than what we are now.
December 12th,
"Lord, I am currently standing at a crossroads, and I desperately choose You. Take my selfishness, pride, impulse and addiction. I do not need them. I need You." "I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be encouraged and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:13)
My selfishness: choosing my desires over what is good. Over what is pleasing not only to Him but to this body He has entrusted to me.
My pride: thinking that I've got it. I know how to do this thing called "life". I know how to be "healthy" while diving into a bucket of sugar cookies time and time and time and TIME again. Pride.
My impulse: underneath my seemingly "good" personality lies an extremely impulsive woman. A cookie here, $40 there... impulsiveness makes me feel alive-for a matter of seconds. Impulsiveness makes me feel guilt- for hours and sometimes days.
My addiction: to selfishness, pride and impulse. To quitting. To doing what I want, regardless of whom it hurts- myself included.
This is it, dear friends. You may not have signed on for this much reality, but I just hit you with it. And now I will hit you with this:
"I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living."
Push yourself with me, let's see how far we can go.
Peace, love and believing you're worth it
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Could It Be A Thing?
I got up again this morning and ran. Wow! We only ran about a mile and a half, so I went home and did Insanity. T'was tough, but I think that I maybe push harder when I do it 1)in the morning, and 2)by myself.
You know how I was flying high and loving myself yesterday morning for all that I had accomplished? Well, I learned a valuable lesson yesterday afternoon... if you are feeling like that, stay as far away from a scale as humanly possible. Had to see the doc yesterday and upon checking my weight for their records I shed a little tear as I felt all of my self esteem empty out of me in a matter of seconds. A wise woman told me to just stay away from the scale. If it makes me feel poorly about all that I am doing, and causes me to entertain the idea of giving up, it's not worth it.
So that is all for today. Gotta ice my shins so I'm ready to run tomorrow.
Peace, love and a world without scales
You know how I was flying high and loving myself yesterday morning for all that I had accomplished? Well, I learned a valuable lesson yesterday afternoon... if you are feeling like that, stay as far away from a scale as humanly possible. Had to see the doc yesterday and upon checking my weight for their records I shed a little tear as I felt all of my self esteem empty out of me in a matter of seconds. A wise woman told me to just stay away from the scale. If it makes me feel poorly about all that I am doing, and causes me to entertain the idea of giving up, it's not worth it.
So that is all for today. Gotta ice my shins so I'm ready to run tomorrow.
Peace, love and a world without scales
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Up All Morning
It's 9:24am. So far today I have done the following:
PHEW! That is more than I sometimes do in an entire day. Ok, so I'm not super proud to admit that, but it's a fact... can't deny it now. Another thing I can't deny...
How wonderful it feels to actually get up and get my run in before the sun comes up. Wow does that ever feel awesome! And holy crap is it cold in the morning! I definitely wasn't ready for how chilly it was, but fortunately my internal heater kicked in after about a quarter of a mile. All thanks goes to Melissa for asking me to run with her before she went into work today. I think that I might end up doing this more and more because it really truly does feel great. More than anything, my sense of accomplishment feels the best.
So an update to my Insanity endeavor from last week. It took 5 days for my calves to get back to fully functioning condition. Maybe that was more so due to the 3 miles I ran afterwards, but still. That sort of put a damper on doing insanity the days following. T was talking to his friends at work about how I made him feel lame (or lazy or something to that effect) because I went and ran afterwards. Ha! It felt great to hear that! I've never been "hardcore" before, and any sliver of that feeling I can get I get pretty stoked about. Then yesterday I asked him if he wanted to do Insanity with me, and he said he wasn't feeling up to it, so I went into the guest room and rocked out another sesh. Mind you, when I say "rocked out" that includes a lot of laying on the floor for the 30 second break, a lot of head between the knees and a LOT of vocal expression of strain and frustration. I felt hardcore again. Not because I did awesome at Insanity, but because I was actually the one choosing to workout. In all of my 26 years of existance, this has RARELY happened. Maybe even never. So thank you, husband, for allowing me to feel pretty hardcore for a little second.
One of the things that Shaun T (haha, what a name, huh?) asks the others in the video is if they can feel their body changing. Ok, so he doesn't ask it. He yells it. Over. and over. and over. And to him they scream, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" So, as I was dying I was telling myself, scrunched face and all, that my body is changing. And I guess I want to challenge you to do the same. When you are exercising, even if it's walking, or running, or lifting... whatever it is, tell yourself over and over, when the pain is awful and you just want to QUIT, "MY BODY'S CHANGING! MY BODY'S CHANGING!" I guarantee that you will find the will and the strength to kick your own ass into gear and finish strong. Because no matter your level of fitness, when you are overcoming your own personal limits, you are changing your body. You might not see it. You might feel like death. The truth is that your body is in the process of becoming better than it was before you started. How incredible of a truth!
Here comes my reality: I have always struggled with the same insecurities. Every day. For as long as I can remember. No matter how my hair has changed, my size has changed, my skin has changed, it has never been change enough. As I have begun to change my life over these last several months, I have not experienced huge change in my appearance or in the areas that I am most insecure. So, just yesterday I had to remind myself that it is possible for those things to change. I need to stick with it, because that, dear Laura, is the one thing you have never seen through. You've done it for a short while and then called it quits because the change wasn't there. The difference between then and now is that I am changing mentally. I am changing emotionally. I am growing stronger in my pride. I could've floated around my house this morning because I was so proud of myself. When in my life have I been so proud of myself for accomplishing a physical activity? Rarely. So, maybe my outsides aren't changing... yet. But my body is changing. My mind is a part of my body, and boy let me tell you, it's changing alright!
So go! Change your body! Do it because you can!
Peace (with yourself), love (for yourself) & welcome change (in yourself)
- Ran 2 miles
- Done abs and chest
- Walked the dogs
- Not only showered but actually PUT ON MAKEUP
- Made coffee
- Made scrambled egg whites, fried turkey and healthy breakfast loaf for breakfast.
- Watched an episode of 3rd Rock From The Sun
- Sat down to begin homework
PHEW! That is more than I sometimes do in an entire day. Ok, so I'm not super proud to admit that, but it's a fact... can't deny it now. Another thing I can't deny...
How wonderful it feels to actually get up and get my run in before the sun comes up. Wow does that ever feel awesome! And holy crap is it cold in the morning! I definitely wasn't ready for how chilly it was, but fortunately my internal heater kicked in after about a quarter of a mile. All thanks goes to Melissa for asking me to run with her before she went into work today. I think that I might end up doing this more and more because it really truly does feel great. More than anything, my sense of accomplishment feels the best.
So an update to my Insanity endeavor from last week. It took 5 days for my calves to get back to fully functioning condition. Maybe that was more so due to the 3 miles I ran afterwards, but still. That sort of put a damper on doing insanity the days following. T was talking to his friends at work about how I made him feel lame (or lazy or something to that effect) because I went and ran afterwards. Ha! It felt great to hear that! I've never been "hardcore" before, and any sliver of that feeling I can get I get pretty stoked about. Then yesterday I asked him if he wanted to do Insanity with me, and he said he wasn't feeling up to it, so I went into the guest room and rocked out another sesh. Mind you, when I say "rocked out" that includes a lot of laying on the floor for the 30 second break, a lot of head between the knees and a LOT of vocal expression of strain and frustration. I felt hardcore again. Not because I did awesome at Insanity, but because I was actually the one choosing to workout. In all of my 26 years of existance, this has RARELY happened. Maybe even never. So thank you, husband, for allowing me to feel pretty hardcore for a little second.
One of the things that Shaun T (haha, what a name, huh?) asks the others in the video is if they can feel their body changing. Ok, so he doesn't ask it. He yells it. Over. and over. and over. And to him they scream, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" So, as I was dying I was telling myself, scrunched face and all, that my body is changing. And I guess I want to challenge you to do the same. When you are exercising, even if it's walking, or running, or lifting... whatever it is, tell yourself over and over, when the pain is awful and you just want to QUIT, "MY BODY'S CHANGING! MY BODY'S CHANGING!" I guarantee that you will find the will and the strength to kick your own ass into gear and finish strong. Because no matter your level of fitness, when you are overcoming your own personal limits, you are changing your body. You might not see it. You might feel like death. The truth is that your body is in the process of becoming better than it was before you started. How incredible of a truth!
Here comes my reality: I have always struggled with the same insecurities. Every day. For as long as I can remember. No matter how my hair has changed, my size has changed, my skin has changed, it has never been change enough. As I have begun to change my life over these last several months, I have not experienced huge change in my appearance or in the areas that I am most insecure. So, just yesterday I had to remind myself that it is possible for those things to change. I need to stick with it, because that, dear Laura, is the one thing you have never seen through. You've done it for a short while and then called it quits because the change wasn't there. The difference between then and now is that I am changing mentally. I am changing emotionally. I am growing stronger in my pride. I could've floated around my house this morning because I was so proud of myself. When in my life have I been so proud of myself for accomplishing a physical activity? Rarely. So, maybe my outsides aren't changing... yet. But my body is changing. My mind is a part of my body, and boy let me tell you, it's changing alright!
So go! Change your body! Do it because you can!
Peace (with yourself), love (for yourself) & welcome change (in yourself)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
It's INSANE...
... how long it has been since I've posted. I could say, "Oh but I've been working out still, so don't you worry.." but let's be honest, we all know that would be quite a stretch. I have been working out, just not as regularly as I once was. Last week began my first ever HALF MARATHON training program! *loud roars from the stands* I wrote it all out, week by week, complete with an inspirational quote on the bottom (of which I will rarely read). I truly do find inspiration from a quote on a fortune cookie I got at the San Antonio Rock and Roll Marathon expo. It said "Good things come slow- especially in distance running". So basically, this man has given me a reason to be ok with my slow, lazy pace. Works for me!
Another reason why blogging has been sparce is that I have been preparing for and living through the homecoming of my beloved other half. He is officially home from his tour, and I couldn't be happier! So now we are doing what we can to get back to "life as we know it", although we have never spent a solid year together in the same place... so I guess we don't even know what that "life" is supposed to look like. I don't know about him, but I'm quite excited to find out!
Today we began our Insanity program. It was tough... and by tough I basically mean insane. Yep, there's a reason why they call it that, folks. But the thing is, it's not me who is the insane one... it's all the freaks on the video! They are so dang motivated, ripped and all around tough SOB's! While they were still "going strong", I was sitting on my knees with my head on the floor, practically between my legs. Maybe that was in effort to not barf all over... or maybe it was in order to regain my ability to breath in semi long breaths. Either way, I am not even close to being "Insane", but I'd like to say that I tried. So tomorrow we will continue on schedule.
But maybe I'm a little more insane than my husband because today, after sweating my boot-ay off with some of that insanity, I bundled up and went for my Tuesday 3 mile run. Yep, you read that correctly. I did 45 minutes of at home plyometric cardio and then I went and RAN THREE MILES!
BE IMPRESSED!!!
It felt AWE-SOME! I ran around our neighborhood, which can be mildly sketchy, so maybe that put a little speed in my step. Rest assured, I carried my mace with me. Thanks to my sister, I don't think I'll run without it. LISTEN UP LADIES: If you're going to run outside, BRING MACE or something to defend yourself with. I have learned from a reliable source, that pervy pervs prey on runners. Don't be stupid just because it might be an inconvenience. Just do it, ok? You can get really cheap mace at sporting goods store. I got mine at Academy Sports.
Anyways, my calves are OUT OF CONTROL right now. Way, way sore. It's pretty great!
Tomorrow is insanity and a two mile run. I'm gonna git 'er done.
Peace, love and husbands
Another reason why blogging has been sparce is that I have been preparing for and living through the homecoming of my beloved other half. He is officially home from his tour, and I couldn't be happier! So now we are doing what we can to get back to "life as we know it", although we have never spent a solid year together in the same place... so I guess we don't even know what that "life" is supposed to look like. I don't know about him, but I'm quite excited to find out!
Today we began our Insanity program. It was tough... and by tough I basically mean insane. Yep, there's a reason why they call it that, folks. But the thing is, it's not me who is the insane one... it's all the freaks on the video! They are so dang motivated, ripped and all around tough SOB's! While they were still "going strong", I was sitting on my knees with my head on the floor, practically between my legs. Maybe that was in effort to not barf all over... or maybe it was in order to regain my ability to breath in semi long breaths. Either way, I am not even close to being "Insane", but I'd like to say that I tried. So tomorrow we will continue on schedule.
But maybe I'm a little more insane than my husband because today, after sweating my boot-ay off with some of that insanity, I bundled up and went for my Tuesday 3 mile run. Yep, you read that correctly. I did 45 minutes of at home plyometric cardio and then I went and RAN THREE MILES!
BE IMPRESSED!!!
It felt AWE-SOME! I ran around our neighborhood, which can be mildly sketchy, so maybe that put a little speed in my step. Rest assured, I carried my mace with me. Thanks to my sister, I don't think I'll run without it. LISTEN UP LADIES: If you're going to run outside, BRING MACE or something to defend yourself with. I have learned from a reliable source, that pervy pervs prey on runners. Don't be stupid just because it might be an inconvenience. Just do it, ok? You can get really cheap mace at sporting goods store. I got mine at Academy Sports.
Anyways, my calves are OUT OF CONTROL right now. Way, way sore. It's pretty great!
Tomorrow is insanity and a two mile run. I'm gonna git 'er done.
Peace, love and husbands
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