Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Well well

I've been running. Just in case you were beginning to wonder, I have been hitting the pavement. Melissa and I have been going weekday mornings at 6, and it's been great. Well, as great as it can get when you are a complainer like I. Yep, that's right. I complain. Too much, actually. This morning, as I was feeling completely lame due to my performance on the track this morning, I realized why it is that I complain. I complain because it is what I have always done. If you recall from my very first post, I am a hardcore quitter. A quitting addict. A quitter extraordinaire. Even now, I am grabbing at straws to complete all of the work for my online class that ends in TWO DAYS. And trust me, there is more than two days worth of work due... and all the while I am still tempted to throw in the towel and just quit the class... What's the matter with me?! It's like I have this quitters poison pumping through my veins, and inevitably I will reach the point of no return... and no completion. Sigh. Sometimes I suck. Ok, so all of that leads me to my thought this morning. I have been running for quite a few months now, and I haven't quit yet... now don't get too excited, there is a "but" coming... BUT I HAVE succeeded in backing out of two of the three races I've planned. So, as I train for yet another race, and my biggest yet, I am really being challenged by my old ways. It's almost as if I have a little voice quietly telling me with every stride that it's not going to amount to anything because I'm never going to get there. Stupid voice! You suck! Guys, I desperately don't want to be a quitter. Thankfully, my running companion has no qualms about yelling at me to keep it going and get my butt up by her. Going forward, into tomorrow, my goal is to push. Push and know that it is worth it. Push against my old ways and into new, liberating habits. Habits of a marathon runner. Apparently only 1% of American's run marathons... at least thats what I've been told. And I WILL be part of that 1%. Pray for me, if you read this. Pray that I won't be a baby. Because I have proved to myself in other areas of life that I am strong. Strong of heart. Now I just want to be strong of mind.

I've begun journaling again. Putting my cries down on paper. It helps, by some strange magical way, allow me to feel progress. To feel like I am going somewhere down this road of change and improvement. Actually, not improvement, because that makes it seem as though there is something wrong with me currently. Betterment, how about that? We can all become better than what we are now.

December 12th,
"Lord, I am currently standing at a crossroads, and I desperately choose You. Take my selfishness, pride, impulse and addiction. I do not need them. I need You." "I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be encouraged and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:13)

My selfishness: choosing my desires over what is good. Over what is pleasing not only to Him but to this body He has entrusted to me.

My pride: thinking that I've got it. I know how to do this thing called "life". I know how to be "healthy" while diving into a bucket of sugar cookies time and time and time and TIME again. Pride.

My impulse: underneath my seemingly "good" personality lies an extremely impulsive woman. A cookie here, $40 there... impulsiveness makes me feel alive-for a matter of seconds. Impulsiveness makes me feel guilt- for hours and sometimes days.

My addiction: to selfishness, pride and impulse. To quitting. To doing what I want, regardless of whom it hurts- myself included.

This is it, dear friends. You may not have signed on for this much reality, but I just hit you with it. And now I will hit you with this:

"I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living."

Push yourself with me, let's see how far we can go.

Peace, love and believing you're worth it

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Could It Be A Thing?

I got up again this morning and ran. Wow! We only ran about a mile and a half, so I went home and did Insanity. T'was tough, but I think that I maybe push harder when I do it 1)in the morning, and 2)by myself.

You know how I was flying high and loving myself yesterday morning for all that I had accomplished? Well, I learned a valuable lesson yesterday afternoon... if you are feeling like that, stay as far away from a scale as humanly possible. Had to see the doc yesterday and upon checking my weight for their records I shed a little tear as I felt all of my self esteem empty out of me in a matter of seconds. A wise woman told me to just stay away from the scale. If it makes me feel poorly about all that I am doing, and causes me to entertain the idea of giving up, it's not worth it.

So that is all for today. Gotta ice my shins so I'm ready to run tomorrow.

Peace, love and a world without scales

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Up All Morning

It's 9:24am. So far today I have done the following:

  1. Ran 2 miles
  2. Done abs and chest
  3. Walked the dogs
  4. Not only showered but actually PUT ON MAKEUP
  5. Made coffee
  6. Made scrambled egg whites, fried turkey and healthy breakfast loaf for breakfast.
  7. Watched an episode of 3rd Rock From The Sun
  8. Sat down to begin homework

PHEW! That is more than I sometimes do in an entire day. Ok, so I'm not super proud to admit that, but it's a fact... can't deny it now. Another thing I can't deny...

How wonderful it feels to actually get up and get my run in before the sun comes up. Wow does that ever feel awesome! And holy crap is it cold in the morning! I definitely wasn't ready for how chilly it was, but fortunately my internal heater kicked in after about a quarter of a mile. All thanks goes to Melissa for asking me to run with her before she went into work today. I think that I might end up doing this more and more because it really truly does feel great. More than anything, my sense of accomplishment feels the best.

So an update to my Insanity endeavor from last week. It took 5 days for my calves to get back to fully functioning condition. Maybe that was more so due to the 3 miles I ran afterwards, but still. That sort of put a damper on doing insanity the days following. T was talking to his friends at work about how I made him feel lame (or lazy or something to that effect) because I went and ran afterwards. Ha! It felt great to hear that! I've never been "hardcore" before, and any sliver of that feeling I can get I get pretty stoked about. Then yesterday I asked him if he wanted to do Insanity with me, and he said he wasn't feeling up to it, so I went into the guest room and rocked out another sesh. Mind you, when I say "rocked out" that includes a lot of laying on the floor for the 30 second break, a lot of head between the knees and a LOT of vocal expression of strain and frustration. I felt hardcore again. Not because I did awesome at Insanity, but because I was actually the one choosing to workout. In all of my 26 years of existance, this has RARELY happened. Maybe even never. So thank you, husband, for allowing me to feel pretty hardcore for a little second.

One of the things that Shaun T (haha, what a name, huh?) asks the others in the video is if they can feel their body changing. Ok, so he doesn't ask it. He yells it. Over. and over. and over. And to him they scream, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" So, as I was dying I was telling myself, scrunched face and all, that my body is changing. And I guess I want to challenge you to do the same. When you are exercising, even if it's walking, or running, or lifting... whatever it is, tell yourself over and over, when the pain is awful and you just want to QUIT, "MY BODY'S CHANGING! MY BODY'S CHANGING!" I guarantee that you will find the will and the strength to kick your own ass into gear and finish strong. Because no matter your level of fitness, when you are overcoming your own personal limits, you are changing your body. You might not see it. You might feel like death. The truth is that your body is in the process of becoming better than it was before you started. How incredible of a truth!

Here comes my reality: I have always struggled with the same insecurities. Every day. For as long as I can remember. No matter how my hair has changed, my size has changed, my skin has changed, it has never been change enough. As I have begun to change my life over these last several months, I have not experienced huge change in my appearance or in the areas that I am most insecure. So, just yesterday I had to remind myself that it is possible for those things to change. I need to stick with it, because that, dear Laura, is the one thing you have never seen through. You've done it for a short while and then called it quits because the change wasn't there. The difference between then and now is that I am changing mentally. I am changing emotionally. I am growing stronger in my pride. I could've floated around my house this morning because I was so proud of myself. When in my life have I been so proud of myself for accomplishing a physical activity? Rarely. So, maybe my outsides aren't changing... yet. But my body is changing. My mind is a part of my body, and boy let me tell you, it's changing alright!

So go! Change your body! Do it because you can!

Peace (with yourself), love (for yourself) & welcome change (in yourself)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It's INSANE...

... how long it has been since I've posted. I could say, "Oh but I've been working out still, so don't you worry.." but let's be honest, we all know that would be quite a stretch. I have been working out, just not as regularly as I once was. Last week began my first ever HALF MARATHON training program! *loud roars from the stands* I wrote it all out, week by week, complete with an inspirational quote on the bottom (of which I will rarely read). I truly do find inspiration from a quote on a fortune cookie I got at the San Antonio Rock and Roll Marathon expo. It said "Good things come slow- especially in distance running". So basically, this man has given me a reason to be ok with my slow, lazy pace. Works for me!

Another reason why blogging has been sparce is that I have been preparing for and living through the homecoming of my beloved other half. He is officially home from his tour, and I couldn't be happier! So now we are doing what we can to get back to "life as we know it", although we have never spent a solid year together in the same place... so I guess we don't even know what that "life" is supposed to look like. I don't know about him, but I'm quite excited to find out!

Today we began our Insanity program. It was tough... and by tough I basically mean insane. Yep, there's a reason why they call it that, folks. But the thing is, it's not me who is the insane one... it's all the freaks on the video! They are so dang motivated, ripped and all around tough SOB's! While they were still "going strong", I was sitting on my knees with my head on the floor, practically between my legs. Maybe that was in effort to not barf all over... or maybe it was in order to regain my ability to breath in semi long breaths. Either way, I am not even close to being "Insane", but I'd like to say that I tried. So tomorrow we will continue on schedule.

But maybe I'm a little more insane than my husband because today, after sweating my boot-ay off with some of that insanity, I bundled up and went for my Tuesday 3 mile run. Yep, you read that correctly. I did 45 minutes of at home plyometric cardio and then I went and RAN THREE MILES!


It felt AWE-SOME! I ran around our neighborhood, which can be mildly sketchy, so maybe that put a little speed in my step. Rest assured, I carried my mace with me. Thanks to my sister, I don't think I'll run without it. LISTEN UP LADIES: If you're going to run outside, BRING MACE or something to defend yourself with. I have learned from a reliable source, that pervy pervs prey on runners. Don't be stupid just because it might be an inconvenience. Just do it, ok? You can get really cheap mace at sporting goods store. I got mine at Academy Sports.

Anyways, my calves are OUT OF CONTROL right now. Way, way sore. It's pretty great!

Tomorrow is insanity and a two mile run. I'm gonna git 'er done.

Peace, love and husbands

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Always A Spud?

Having taken two weeks from running, I am extremely frustrated to say that I am still experiencing pain in my ankles and knees. It is very disheartening.  I do, however, toy with the fact that I shouldn't be hard on myself. If there is anything I've learned from talking with others who have tried to change their lifestyles through diet or exercise, it has been the affects of too high of expectations and not being able to give yourself credit for what you have done. I was talking with my grandma yesterday, trying to encourage her in a new adventure she is about to embark on, and I told her that no matter what, she needs to be proud of herself. For the little victories. For taking it one day at a time. And basically I need to practice what I preech.
So having said that, I am, unfortunately, not going to be running in my 10-mile race, in order to take care as to not permanently injure myself. I know (at least I tell myself this) that I cannot possibly be the only one who is building a collection of shirts and gear from races she has not been able to run... right?

In other news, my manly man will be gracing me with his presence in the very near future! And with that comes some Insanity. I mean, it very well may be insane in multiple ways, but more specifically, the Man and I will begina 60 day Insanity challenge. He told me the other day that he gave one of the workouts a try, and that... well... I don't think he really actually said much after that. He just breathed a few heavy breaths which communicated to me that there is a pretty good chance that I miiiight die one of the first few days. Welcome home honey! Let's go kill ourselves! Yep, we're pretty crazy.I'm excited! And I think it will be great for my legs and ankles to take a bit of a break from the same stress day after day. When we start, I will let you know our beginning "Specs" and our ending ones. T says that if we aren't ripped by the end of this then it will never happen. So at least I will be able to set my mind at ease knowing that I will just never be ripped. But I have a feeling we'll be looking pretty fly by the end of this.

I haven't been very good at keeping up with my spudly efforts. As of late the only thing my arms have lifted is a paint brush and a roller. That is all about to change.... I guess I'd better go enjoy my last couple of weeks on the couch.

Peace, love and insane husbands and wives

Friday, October 7, 2011

I have no idea what day it is

Well I injured myself running. I guess it's kind of no surprise, considering I was training so much more than I am used to, and working, and doing crazy active things with my nieces. So yes, this last week I spent more time with an ice pack than the road. I was quite frustrated about this for the first few days. I went and got yet another pair of good, supportive running shoes yesterday, hoping and praying I was making the right decision for my seemingly needy feet. I took them out for a jog today, hoping to only do about 2.5 miles, making sure as to not injure or irritate my ankles and shins further. After a few strides they seemed alright, but the problem seemed to lie more in my dang feet. They were numb. And yes, I stopped several times to adjust my laces, making sure they were not too tight, and I STILL couldn't get the numbness to go away! FRUSTRATING! I just want to run! And feel confident that I will be able to cross the finish line on the 29th! Sigh... Man! But I do have to admit, it was quite nice to be lazy this week and not have to work so hard. But after a couple of days I began to really miss how much better I feel when I run... and the lack of guilt when eating m&m's that I would normally feel had I not burned a few calories. Life without exercise is a life full of guilt... because I don't have the excuse that I ran today, so I deserve those m&m's.

A great thing that I realized this week is that I have achieved three of my few goals upon starting this blog.

1) Use it as a guilt-tool to get me to exercise because I know people will wonder why I haven't blogged about it.

2) Get someone who is not a)my mom, b) one of my sisters, or c) any person I have ever met, to comment on one of my posts.

3) Find others who have been "encouraged" by my feeble efforts and begun a running career of their own. What a humbling honor to be able to encourage someone to go down the hellishly rewarding road I've been on!

Thank you, to you two or three of four people, who read this. You help me get off my butt and do something (most of the time).

Peace, love & encouraging one another

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Day 21: It's all about day nineteen

I'm busy.  The spud in me is crying out for a couch because since arriving in the great north I have had few opportunities to really, truly just veg out on the couch. Between working 40 hours a week and then training, and then seeing family and friends, it's been an entirely different experience than my usual day to day routine at home. Once again, I am not complaining, I am simply stating that the couch potato in me is like, "what's up with this?".

On Friday I only worked a half day, so I was able to enjoy the absolutely breathtakingly beautiful weather. We're talking 66 degrees, clear blue sky, awesome breeze and sunshine. The trees around here are incredible these days, as they prepare themselves for the frigid winter. I am so thankful to be here during this brief time of the year. When people ask why one would enjoy living in the north, what with the never-ending winters, it is no surprise to hear that it is because of this short period of time. It makes the rest of the year completely worth it.
I went to the lake, setting out to do two laps around it. One lap is 2.5 miles, so I was ready to go and break another record with 5 miles. Prior to arriving at the lake, I went to Schuler Shoes and purchased a new pair of running shoes. As you know, I have been having a lot of problems with my toes and my calves. Based on my foot needs, my foot strike, and what feels comfortable to me, I have done a lot of research on the New Balance Minimus Trail shoes. I understand that they are made mainly for trail running, but they can be worn on the road. I have gone back and forth with shoes that provide more support and shoes that mimic barefoot running, and after much debate, decided to give the Minimus a try. Either way I knew I would want them for when I'm back in Texas and give the trails a go. So I went to the lake set out to do my first lap in my new kicks and the second in my old. It took about 3/4 of a mile to get into the groove, but after that I felt great in my new shoes. My calves didn't hurt at all and my toes never even got close to cramping up. On my second time around, in my old shoes, I no more than started and my calves were on fire. I had to stop about 4 times to stretch, and it was all I could do to make it around that last lap. So, I can safely say that on Friday, I learned the importance of good running shoes. They will make or break your running experience.
All in all my time at the lake on Friday was just wonderful. The weather, my attitude and my body were all in sync and I was happy. I did make an observation. Minnesotans are extremely active. Young and old alike are out running and biking and walking. It makes me happy to be around so many people who are doing what they can to take care of their bodies (until an older man blows past me while running. A little part of me struggles to not consider myself completely pathetic. But then I remember how freaking lazy I am, by nature, and I run on with my head held high, knowing that no one else knows my inner spud. I intend to keep it that way, and trick those around me into thinking that I'm a super hot athlete.)

After spending the day climbing stair after stair and the waterpark yesterday, and anticipating rock climbing today, it's safe to say that my derrier can expect some good couch time tonight.

Peace, love & athletic old people